Why Atheletes Can't Have Regular Jobs

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John?Jenkins: "He treats us like men.. He lets us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to ?graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up ?alphabetically by height. And, ?You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton .."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sisters expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy. He said, Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're ?spending too much time on one subject."

14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

15. These are right in the ballpark with Mike Tysons answer to what he will do when he retires: "I guess I'll just fade into Bolivia."

A joke to start the day :)

Here's a funny little joke I came across. Enjoy!!

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I have to pass this class," she pleads.
The professor looks at his grade book and shakes his head. "You've missed most lectures, you haven't done the homework, and the one paper you wrote was terrible -- it shows you don't know the material."
"But you don't understand!" she says. "If I don't pass your class, I can't graduate."
"The final is 50 percent of your grade," the professor says. "If you get 95 percent, you would end up with a D, which is passing."
"I would do anything to pass the final," she says.
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, 'I would do anything!"
"Anything?" he says, returning her intense gaze. "Do you really mean ...anything?"
"Absolutely!" she says, finally smiling broadly.
His voice turns to a whisper: "Would you... study?"

Friday Funnies :)

Here's a little humor for everyone. Enjoy!!

A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.

It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years." "How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked. "It's simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk."

If the TV Dinner Wasn't Invented Until the Computer Age

Good joke: If the TV Dinner Wasn't Invented Until the Computer Age

Blonde Cowboy Joke

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like his?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to spread with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.. So I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants. So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts. So I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy.

'And here I am.'

Five Surgeons

Five surgeons from the country’s largest cities are discussing who makes the best/easiest patients on which to operate.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, from Chicago , responds, ”Yeah, but
you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon, from Houston , says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order”

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: ”You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.