Why Atheletes Can't Have Regular Jobs

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John?Jenkins: "He treats us like men.. He lets us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to ?graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up ?alphabetically by height. And, ?You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton .."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sisters expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy. He said, Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're ?spending too much time on one subject."

14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

15. These are right in the ballpark with Mike Tysons answer to what he will do when he retires: "I guess I'll just fade into Bolivia."

Hilarious 911 Call

Maxine On Border Patrol

Maxine on Border Problems
Courtesy of MckLinky Stuff - FREE!

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida.

Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It's a win-win situation.

1. Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.



2. Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.



3. Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.



Any other problems you would like for me to solve today ?

Courtesy of MckLinky Stuff - FREE!

Friday Funnies :)

Here's a little humor for everyone. Enjoy!!

A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.

It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years." "How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked. "It's simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk."